Inkless Pen and Unused Slippers

I passed my Compre exams. 5 of us wont graduate. 7 will have retake. As much as I am grateful, I know what this means, more effort, more responsibility. There are so many things to be learned as well. Im excited to learn and master them. Put in more work, and more effort. Thank You Lord.

They say a single moment can change a person’s life and such moment can happen to me later.

At 5:30 today, our compre results will be released. This is after an agonizing 3 months of bliss, denial, indifference and finally acceptance. Thanks to my disastrous midterm exams, I came into terms with the reality and the future. I realized that at the end of the day

1.It isnt about how much you read but how you understood about what you read.

2. It is not repetition but rather mastery. And my anti-climatic midterms told me I have not even mastered the basics.

3. focus, focus, on what you should be doing rather than what others are musing.

4. never assume anything

The news of the compre could not come at a better time; just as when I was picking up my pace. But this is a welcome development. As I said what will happen tonight can completely alter my life forever. With that, Im giving all my prayers to God and hope for the best.

          We had our tax exams tonight. During the exams, I cant help but mentally curse and well, occasionally murmur curse words to myself. Why? It’s because I skipped so many topics which I thought are not going to come out but they did. There’s too many of them. Well not really but perhaps Im just exaggerating, I don’t know.

            The last blow was delivered however, after the exams. I asked my classmate about a certain question. That classmate sternly (with full conviction) said the answer and I don’t know, with matching index finger raised to emphasize the point.   It dawned to me that the answer of my classmate was correct. But the way it was said, made me feel like the dumbest person in the room. 

             Well, I accept that it was actually my fault since I asked, my classmate only answered. But hey, its one to know your wrong but it’s another to be made feel like you don’t know anything. I take no offense but the feeling of being like so dumb is a kick in the gut. Worse, a reality check.

             I know what I am capable of and lately, I feel complacent like I know so much. That’s what happened in this exam. I thought I studied enough and my classmates also did, what can they know that I don’t?After all, we have the same teachers and to some extent read the same books. That is where I was downright wrong. Such complacency is fueled by flattery.And I dont like it. This is where tonight’s hard blow comes in. It made me realize:

         1. People are not really what they present or purport to be. My classmates can claim they don’t study, occasionally act and feel dumb and I believed it. I actually felt fortunate not to feel the way they did. Well, surprise, surprise, all facade.

          2. Avoid flaterrers. Just that simple.

         3. Do not act like you know everything. It’s one thing to read your book for the nth time and another to actually understand it. Stop assuming you are smart and can get away with anything. Because, well you won’t and frankly, no one really will.

         Last but not the least, study the freaking tax remedies and quit whining! Let’s see if you know it if you put your mind into it!!!

(A post I did on Facebook,transferring it here now since I dont lurk there anymore!=:) 

December 24, 2010…I was in front of my laptop and Rushelle was in front of me with castanas. She just arrived from the city then. I was on that very same seat since she left and I was still there when she came back. I was just completely hooked to my laptop. Out of nowhere I said, “Woh, I have 3,000 pages of E-book to read”. Rushelle, the witty girl she’d always been came up with a response that managed to put a smile on my face,” And I have 1 kilo of castanas to eat.” LOL!



I dont know why Im writing this because writing and thinking should be the last thing a normal person with only 2 hours of sleep should do. All I know is, I have to get my fingers moving or slouch on my desk and feign sleep. NAh, it will never come.



To an ordinary mortal who would see me that day, I would appear as a slacker who cant even drag her butt of the chair to take a bath. But the truth is, they didnt know I was in for the greatest adventure of my life. Or at least, my imagination and my inner world which is the total opposite of my dry and monotonous life. They didn’t know I was in the world of beings one could not even fathom that someone could think of them. But yes, many people did.



It was the world of goddesses, gods, hunters, vampires, werewolves, humans called Psys who lives in the year 2079 and are devoid of any emotion and Breeds, genetically altered people. But wait there’s more, Ancient Greece, Greek Mythology and Atlantis also exist in that world. For a person who’s used to only seeing in the television alligators and vultures trapped in human bodies …boy, it was a world like no other.



And the blunt truth about it—- Im addicted to that world. Where everything is possible. Twice, I slept on hours, when God knows, my mother would usually woke up at every morning. I love the humor, romance, imagination, insights and knowledge that i could get.I was too hooked that I gave up trying to force myself to read my law books. They would pale in comparison to the world my e-books had managed to lure me into.



When I was in first year, I had this animated conversation with my batchmates about the hard core legalese usually used in law books. They were phrased in such a way that you could actually curse, ‘Why cant these people say what they mean?!!!~!’ Adding the fact that they are in hard bound that their weight can really piss you off sometimes. And out of frustration, we vent our frustrations on dreams of what we will do if ever we pass or fail to pass the bar exams…One said, he will publish it on paper back…civil code for dummies…Another added, it would be with lots of pictures. The cases are not only digested but what the—- they will be illustrated! They will no longer be in plain and dull immaculate white pages but on glossy colored pages!!! (look at what frustration can really do to people!)lol!



Like a fever, I am still very engrossed with my e-books. Perhaps, this is my way of escaping the fact that I really dont get a vacation this holiday season. Perhaps, this is my way of making myself forget of the life that will greet me when the new year comes…work, school, work, school…more work, more school.



But more that anything, in these e-books I learned about honor, struggle, strength, love, abuse and faith. I bled, I shouted, wept, laughed and celebrated with the characters I met.I met and relived my love for history without expecting the accuracy of an academician. I read it till dawn without much care that my boss will give me an award for being sleepy or for committing a fatal mistake at work.



And here I am, alone in the office…wishing I was back home reading.

        My teacher last night was asking questions and gave out her usual threats that our midterms is coming. She added if we won’t listen, if she asks these things in the exams, we’d all go flippant and she can’t help us. She had said those same lines last semester and Id go hysterical taking down notes and flipping the pages of my book back and forth. But not last night. Instead, I took out my phone and read Harry Potter. If not for the fact that the font is so small and my classmate who’s about to report poked me while she’s going down, I would not have stopped. I sat there again, physically present but mentally unavailable.

       This is is how I’m spending my January after our comprehensive exams. Drifting…floating…pretty much playing along those lines.  I tried to establish my rhythm to study again 2 weeks into the month - all because of the fact that it’s the New Year and we’re suppose to start it right. But to no avail. Soon, I grew tired of fighting it. I realized what’s the point of getting so knocked up when if I fail the exams, I won’t be able to graduate and everything I’ve read will be all for naught?

       Outside, I feel like the person with the least worries. No stress with law school lessons. But deep inside, everyday that passes is killing me. It’s like my future is on the line - worse, on pause. Its more than a left or right crossroads dilemma; more like walking in a pitch dark road with a cliff or a bridge waiting for you ahead. I think I managed to preserve my sanity in those 4 weeks of grueling examinations. I didn’t know it would be put to another test waiting for the results.

         I am 23 year old fan. Well, I do not know if I can really be called a fan considering I only started following your team last playoffs vs. Miami. I never really liked basketball or any other sports for that matter.. But for some reason, the way you played got me sitting in front of the tv throughout the whole time with my books last June.

        Today, I am still following every Celtics news there is on the web. When you win, Im happy. When you lose, my day is ruined. How can that possibly be?haha. Anyways, in two days time, I will have the last exam of my 4 week examinations.If I mess this up, I wont be able to graduate from law school. Yet, here I am still reading Celtics articles that I sometimes think Im already a lost cause.  I think this comes with being a fan…to distraction. 

       On the other hand,probably, reading about your team keeps my sane in the course of the exams. I should be freaking out by now but hell, Im still writing about this. How weird is that?